Imagine having the guts to speak your mind, to express exactly how you feel, to do what you feel like doing without having second thoughts, struggling, nor hesitating. It feels good, right?
You might be thinking that there is no way this could be possible, because nobody is as brave or can do exactly as he wants since there is always an audience watching: people, society, THE WORLD.
Being self-assertive is being forthright and honest about what you want. It is having the courage to express your feelings confidently and get straight to the point. It requires self-confidence and a high self-esteem, otherwise your doubts will definitely block you from acting this way and getting what you want.
As an assertive person, you will do your best in order to achieve your goals, but you cannot always have it your way. It does not mean you have to get aggressive nor be hard on people. There is a fine line between assertiveness and aggression, so do not get confused!
Aggression is when you want things to happen no matter what, even if it is at other people’s expense. You would hurt anyone getting in your way and would not even care. It is not being confident, it only means that the person is craving people’s attention and hiding weaknesses.
Being assertive is a good thing, and most successful people are.
- What is self-assertiveness?
The website psychcentral.com defines assertiveness as the antidote to fear, shyness, passivity, and even anger. It means that it helps you speak up for yourself and be brave, frank, and honest to others.
It makes you powerful and respected by people, because you are always there and talking about what you need and what you think about a specific topic. You always have a seat at the table because you are being straightforward and not playing games.
Lack of drama is always a better choice, so speak your mind and let people know where you stand.
Can you say “no” to somebody who asked you for something? A lot of us cannot. As easy as it may sound for some, others cannot deal with the word “no.” I know it can be such a nightmare.
An assertive person does have the audacity to say “no.” He is aware that he cannot satisfy everyone and that it is normal to refuse doing something for other people. It is an option among others.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” – Warren Buffett
Do not get that wrong, it is not okay to keep saying no to people without any logical reason. It will only push them away and you will end up being the bad person in the story.
Saying no, is like a necessary evil. It must happen from time to another just to keep you safe and stop people from using you. That is what people do to someone who is always nice to them, so choose your people and think wisely.
Fairness, integrity, respect and honesty are your new best friends if you ever want to be an assertive person. You must treat people as you wish to be treated. Enjoy your rights and what you like to do without hurting them or crossing lines.
Strong minds have the power to get what they want without offending others nor hurting them. They also respect people for saying no and do not take it personal.
Accepting other people’s needs and rights does not make you weak. It only makes you stronger. But they have to accept yours as well. It is a win-win situation.
Since people always judge, you can and will be judged. As an assertive person, do not let those critics get to you. Do not let them into your system. Accept them as constructive advice and move on. Trust me, you will feel better and you will be better!
I am sure most of you already know the “good cop, bad cop” thing. This time, you are playing by yourself. You are both cops and the criminal. Assertiveness is based on balance, so make sure you play the right role at the right time.
You are the criminal when you are on the edge of hurting others in order to get what you want.
You are the good cop when you try to convince yourself kindly not to take this path and behave fairly towards others.
You are the bad cop when your mind would not listen, but you will be as strong, maybe even stronger and stop it from playing and fooling you.
It may sound cliché, but games are more likely to be remembered than any typical advice.
I am not trying to point the finger at anyone, but it is always good to be there for ourselves without being exposed to people. But asking for help can never be a bad thing.
We all want to be free to do whatever we want, but the fear of being judged, misunderstood or criticized can sometimes block us from getting what we want.
Avoid this negative thinking! Successful people do not even think about other people’s opinions, so why do you? They focus on their goals and how to get there, and they choose wisely the right thing to say. It is called being diplomatic, and it always works.
When you are assertive, people notice. Therefore, you will never have to think about what they say.
It is the process of being assertive that is difficult. Still, it is possible and you can do it.
“Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are!” – Shakti Gawain
Keep that in mind.